Did the onset of the Spring Semester incite an existential crisis with anyone else? No? That was just me? Well, this is uncomfortable…

By Lauren Killer on January 24, 2013

Now presenting: A selection of dialogues in which I am awkward and don’t know what I’m doing with my life. Thus begins the Spring Semester.

 

My introduction to the class in my first “What is the Good Life” (formally known as HUM2305), discussion session: 

“Hello. (awkward, unnecessary wave) My name is Lauren Killer. As of yesterday I was a Political Science major, but today I’m not really sure. I also happen to be a Theatre major. Speaking of which, (horrendously over-emphasized segue) I saw Les Miz over the break. You know, Les Miserables? Which, I believe, translates to “The Miserables.” (sarcasm…ok no one caught on…that’s fine…) Anywho… [more academically inspired banter about how Broadway relates to the Good Life… Um, of course it does.]

 

A conversation with my father over text messages last week:

Dad: Why is law school out now? You don’t have to work at a law firm.

Me: Ho hum, maybe if I don’t respond he will forget that he has an offspring…

Dad: Go to the UF Law School website and see what types of jobs they are touting. There might be stuff that interests you.

Me: Twiddling thumbs while browsing Pinterest; Omg, I’m going to learn how to knit so I can make that adorable body-suit sweater.

Dad: You can be an environmental lawyer and camp out and travel the globe and live out of a VW station wagon.

Me: Yeah the enviro thing sounds good.

Dad: You can get a degree in enviro sci or anything else like history, lit, etc. and go to law school.

Me: If I did enviro sci I’d have to take chem and calc. No thanks.

Dad: Agreed. Stick with the left side of the brain stuff.

Me: You suggested it.

Dad: So.

 

One minute of ramblings about myself that I had to improvise on the spot during rehearsal for “Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind”, a Florida Players Production which runs March 15-17 in the Phillips Center’s Squitieri Black Box Theatre. (And you thought I would stop using my blog to advertise productions I’m in… Joke’s on you!):

“I said I was ready but I’m not really ready [to begin speaking]. I don’t know what I’m going to say about myself. I think I’m really funny but to other people I don’t think I’m funny. Like, sometimes I’ll be writing things—I write a blog—and I’ll be writing, and I’ll have a moment where I laugh out loud to myself because I think that what I just wrote is the funniest thing I’ve ever thought of, but then I show it to other people and they don’t understand it…So, logically I can only conclude that I’m either entirely in a league of my own or I just don’t make any sense. It’s one or the other. I think I’m smart but I’m not actually sure. I think I’m just really good at imitating…”

 

A hypothetical meeting between an academic advisor and myself that is earth-shatteringly enlightening and leaves me a more confident, assured, and put-together person who is ready to crawl out of my cave of self pity and daringly face reality:

Hypothetically World’s Most Competant and Brilliant Academic Advisor: Hello. Great to have you in today. So where would you like to begin? What are your concerns?

Me: Well, I um don’t really know what to do with my life um…

HWMCABAA: Well, that’s certainly alright! Not many people do when they’re 18. What is your current major?

Me: I am currently Political Science and Theatre. I really love the Theatre program and I want to stick with that, but I’m not so sure about Political Science. I’m still interested in politics, but I feel like if I’m going to be studying that, I need to have a better idea of what I want to do after I graduate…and I don’t.

HWMCABAA: Gives warm smile with eyes that glisten like snowflakes and hold the enduring promise of a better tomorrow. Ok—

Me: So should I just be exploratory for now????

HWMCABAA: Well what we can do for you is—

Me: Can you just tell me, what are career options for an…ENGLISH MAJOR? THERE, I SAID IT. I WANT TO BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR. IS THAT OK WITH EVERYONE?!

HWMCABAA: Whatever you want to do and what you’ll be good at is what you should pursue! There are plenty of career options for an English major like ____________, ______________, ______________, or even _______________!

Me: All of those options thrill me! I am so glad that I now know I can be a __________, ____________, ____________, or even a _____________! How do I get started?!

HWMCABAA: Well, for now you are on schedule because you’re completing all the gen-eds you didn’t get through AP credits and you’ve started on your Theater major, so I’d say you’re in a great place!

Me: Fantastic! I’m so excited to have all life’s questions answered!

HWMCABAA: You betcha! Now get out there and kick some booty!

Me: Oh… I will. You can count on that. High five in which we freeze in mid-air and “The Eye of the Tiger” is playing. A dance number breaks out in the street in front of the advising office. The entire marching band and College of Liberal Arts and Sciences are present, along with Albert and Alberta, President Machen, and the University’s entire janitorial staff. A parade then forms and we process down the streets of Gainesville to Bo Diddley Plaza where President Obama, the other heads of state that comprise the United Nations Security Council, and Jesus congratulate me with firm handshakes and cookies. Then we feed the homeless and everyone is happy. I go on to be successful and fulfilled doing whatever it is I end up doing.

 

Regardless of what appears to be my dissipating mental state, I am actually ecstatic to be back on campus. Although I don’t have everything figured out like I would hope, what’s the rush? I’d like a better idea of what I want to end up doing, but I’m not sure even people who have been working their whole lives have that. For now, I’m going to enjoy my classes, college life, and joyous bloggery.

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