A Guide to Dating in College

By Christine Ascher on March 21, 2018

Dating in college can be a wonderful experience—however, if you’re not one of the lucky ones, it can also sometimes be an emotionally trying experience, filled with ups and downs. Upon entering college, where you’re surrounded by other people who are more or less the same age all the time, dating might take on a greater significance for you than it ever has before.

While dating can be an important part of your college experience, it’s a good idea to keep in mind some general guidelines, to avoid having your relationships cause unnecessary stress or color your overall college experience in a negative light. When you enter into the world of dating in college, remember some of the following tips.

Couple, Man, Woman, Lights

Image via https://pixabay.com

Hold Off on Getting into a Relationship

Entering into freshman year is a major transition for most students, and with the multitude of changes that you’re already encountering, it can often be a good idea to hold off on getting into a relationship for the first month or so of college. If you get involved in with someone right away, you may miss out on other opportunities on campus because you’ll be so wrapped up in the relationship.

Take the time to get to know your roommates, make friends, and get involved on campus before you really start dating. Once you’ve become accustomed to college life and have developed your own routine, however, then you’ll be more prepared to start dating.

Be Patient

You may be going into college with the expectation that you’re going to meet “the one” right away, and while that does happen every once in a while, it can be dangerous for you to count on this being the case. During your first few months of undergrad, you’ll probably be meeting new people all the time. Don’t get caught up thinking that you have to find your future significant other among the first people you encounter; meeting the right person takes time, and it’s better to take the time to get to know someone first before jumping into a relationship with them. If you rush a relationship, there will be a greater chance that it won’t work out, as it may not have been right to begin with. For this reason, you’ll be better off if you’re patient and wait for the right person to come along before you start dating.

Infographic by Christine Ascher

When you begin dating in college, it can be easy to become so caught up in your new relationship that your stop spending time with your other friends, and neglect some of the other important relationships in your life. It’s important to maintain a good balance between dating or spending time with your significant other and catching up with your friends and family. Especially if you have some relatively new friendships that you have formed while in college, you’ll need to give them some time and attention in order to prevent them from fading.

In addition, as Sarah Beckman points out in an article for USA Today College, your friends are the ones who will be there for you if your relationships ends, so you don’t want to let them slip away. Make sure that you’re still carving out the time every so often to spend quality time with your friends and to chat with your family.

Remember to Keep Your Grades Up

Another part of your life that can become neglected when you get caught up with dating in college or enraptured with the excitement of a new relationship is the very reason you’re there in the first place: academics. Try to ensure that, even with your dating life in full swing, you prioritize your classes to keep your grades up.

Many college students notice that their grades start slipping once they’re in a relationship, and even the typical ins and outs of the dating world can negatively impact your concentration and focus on school. One way to ensure that your academics don’t suffer when you’re in a relationship is by having study dates with your significant other; that way, you’ll be able to enjoy each other’s company while still keeping on top of your coursework.

Avoid Dating Just to Date

When you’re in college and living with a bunch of people your own age, it probably seems like dating is something that everyone does. It can be tempting to just go along with what everyone else is doing, or to feel like you have to date because your friends are and you don’t want to be left behind. However, especially because dating is a very personal experience, it’s essential that you wait until you truly feel ready—otherwise, you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed.

In addition, make sure that when you do start dating, you’re in it for the right reasons. It’s not a good idea to date someone solely because you want to go out on dates, or because you want to find a significant other in a general sense. Instead, focus on the specific people that you meet, and make sure that when you go on a date with someone, it’s because you genuinely want to get to know that person.

Remember that a Date Doesn’t Have to Turn into a Relationship

A lot of college students who are relatively new to the dating scene have the expectation that going on a date with someone means that you’ll soon be in a committed relationship with them. However, circumstances don’t always work out that way.

Keep in mind that your dates may not turn into a relationship, and that’s okay. Just meeting new people can be a great experience, even if you don’t see yourself staying with them long-term. Keep your mind open, and allow things to develop naturally—if you feel like you have to force anything, it probably isn’t right.

Don’t Rush a Relationship

A lot of relationship mistakes can happen when you move too fast and try to rush into a relationship. While making mistakes is a part of life, and definitely a part of dating, you can minimize them by taking your time to allow your relationships to develop. If you move too fast, you’ll risk getting involved with someone you don’t know too much about, and things may devolve quickly.

If, on the other hand, you meet someone who is right for you, it’s still important to remember that there’s no rush. The potential consequences of rushing into a relationship with someone in college far outweigh the benefits, so it’s almost always better to take your time and make sure that a relationship feels right before you enter into it.

Don’t Feel Pressured to go Faster than You’re Comfortable With

When dating in college, just like during other times in your life, you should always stick to a pace that you’re comfortable with. Anytime someone pressures you to move faster than you want, that’s probably a red flag. The person you’re dating should listen and respect how far you’re willing to go; if they don’t, then that is probably not someone you would want to be with long-term anyway, so don’t feel like you have to compromise just to keep the relationship alive.

It’s a good idea at some point to have a talk with the person you’re dating, to lay out what you see in terms of the progression of the relationship, and to get an idea of the expectations the other person has in mind, as this will help you determine whether or not you want the same things, and if it’s worth pursuing a long-term relationship.

Rose, ground, petals

Image via https://pixabay.com

Communicate

Of course, as with any relationship, communication is key when you’re dating in college. You might want to have a conversation fairly early on when you’re dating someone to make clear what each of you is looking for. If you continue to date, it’s important to maintain open and honest communication throughout the relationship; if anything bothers you, or if you have any concerns with where things are going, let the other person know. If you ignore it or leave things unsaid, you’ll never have the opportunity to address your worries, and more often than not, the situation will only get worse.

Your mutual ability to communicate is also a great test when you start dating someone to see if the two of you have what it takes to be together long-term. If you start off with great communication, you’ll have a much better chance of making things work later on, and you’ll know that you’ll be able to address your worries should any come up.

Make Sure You’re Still Getting the College Experience You Want

College is commonly referred to as “the best four years of your life,” and for good reason. It’s the first time that you’re away from home and have all of the freedom that comes with that independence, you have the chance to live with your friends for the first time, and you have all of the resources of your university at your fingertips. While dating can be an important part of college life, keep in mind that it should not encompass all of your life while an undergrad. Again, it can be easy to get so caught up in a new relationship that you lose sight of everything else, and in the meantime, you may let some amazing college experiences pass you by.

As Annaya English, a writer for Elite Daily, states, time management is an important part of dating. When you start dating in college, keep in mind the other things that you wanted to get out of your college experience. Even while dating or in a relationship, you can still join the clubs that you feel passionate about, take the classes that you’re interested in, go to the events that you’re excited about—as long as you prioritize those aspects of college life accordingly.

Remember that You Don’t Have to Find the Person You’re Going to Marry While in College

While the mentality that you have to find your future spouse while in college is still at times present among students, try not to let that fill you with anxiety or pressure to meet the person you’re going to marry during your four years in college. Entering into the dating scene in college with the expectation that you’re going to find your future spouse among the sea of students around you might make you feel like you have to be constantly dating, even if you’re not necessarily interested in the specific individuals you’re going out with.

In addition, this sense of pressure created by feeling like you have only four years to meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with can easily cause you to move faster than you would normally be comfortable with. Overall, the best way to combat this way of thinking is just by allowing things to happen naturally. Don’t go into college with the expectation that you’ll leave in a committed relationship that will soon turn into a marriage—if it happens, that’s great, but if it doesn’t, you’ll still have plenty of time to meet someone post-graduation.

Beware Dating Someone in Your Building

On a practical note, it’s a good idea to avoid dating someone you run into all the time on campus or in your dorm. Unfortunately, breakups happen—and they can be awkward. There’s little worse than undergoing a bad breakup when you know you’re going to have to see that person around all the time, so if you can reduce the risk of this happening, try to do so. If you do end up dating and breaking up with someone who you’re going to see all the time, try to address the awkwardness of the situation with that person and see if you can come up with a solution. Just agreeing to say hello can go a long way in diffusing the leftover tension.

For most people, dating in college takes on a new level of seriousness that you may not have felt when dating in high school; you’re older, you’re more mature, and you may in some cases feel like you have to develop a serious relationship now at the risk of never being able to do so later. However, in order to have a positive dating experience while in college, you’ll need to keep everything in perspective: don’t rush a relationship, and make sure that you’re dating for the right reasons. You should also be careful not to let dating become your whole life, and not to lose out on other essential aspects of college. In general, dating in college is all about balance—and, if anything, you’ll be able to learn from your mistakes as you move forward in your future dating life!

Follow Uloop

Apply to Write for Uloop News

Join the Uloop News Team

Discuss This Article

Back to Top

Log In

Contact Us

Upload An Image

Please select an image to upload
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format
OR
Provide URL where image can be downloaded
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format

By clicking this button,
you agree to the terms of use

By clicking "Create Alert" I agree to the Uloop Terms of Use.

Image not available.

Add a Photo

Please select a photo to upload
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format